you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
