I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
