so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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