eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
