I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
