So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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