i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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