I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
