Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
