just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
high people should be assigned attendants
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
