I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
