I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
