So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
