the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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