Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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