Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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