Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
