I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
