someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
