i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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