11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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