he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize