I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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