Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
