my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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