I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
