Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
