just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
