I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
