Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
