is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dignity is for republicans.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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