Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
