I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
