Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
