Buhtt sex?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
