I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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