I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
