my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
