At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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