Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
