Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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