I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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