Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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