You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
