We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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