theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
