The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We left the knife in your bed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are the jesus of drinking
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
