Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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