He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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