my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
