She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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