Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
