is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
