(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
