im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
