i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
