It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
