I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
