i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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