Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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